Anti-fragile dad

Dads are the best. My one tops the list, obviously.

Life’s thrown him challenge after challenge after challenge. Loss of loved ones, hardship and all manner of complex situations.

Yet somehow he bounces back, time and again, stronger and stronger. With more and more love in his heart and a greater spring in his step.

Many would be fragile and collapse under the pressure of life. Others would do the mere basics to stay standing, or find ways to numb themselves from the discomfort. No, not dad — he’s anti-fragile. He takes each new challenge and becomes stronger and more vibrant.

Wherever he goes, he lights up the room and brings a feeling of joviality in the air. He works hard, travels widely and easily makes friends wherever he goes.

Recently for his 65th birthday, family and friends recorded video messages for him. The one consistent quality shared about him through these messages is his ability to bring energy to whoever he meets.

What’s for sure is that this is not by any accident. He has worked hard on himself for decades. Life throws great curveballs and yet he finds a way to consistently embrace them, get even stronger and fill the room with light.

I see this in my brother too — he is an incredible loving father to my nephew and has anti-fragility woven into every fibre of his being. Leveraging life’s knocks and bouncing back powerfully, you’ll find that wherever he goes, Sawan fills the room with light, with love and with joy.

Also my friend Leo who practices this at home and in his work, delves deep into his well of compassion to serve millions of people and even trains his community in anti-fragility.

As I look to my dad, my brother and my friends, I’m inspired to train in anti-fragility, with deep calm and great joy.

When It Gets Tough, Stay, Don’t Run Away

Spent the day in the city with my father today. Rounded off the day with a trip to the London Comedy Club in Leicester Square.

The first two acts were superb. The last one was a bit of a drag.

However, what inspired me about the final act was his staying power. Even though he knew that he was really bombing it, he made a choice not to run away, and see through his time slot all the way to the end.

We could all do with learning from that. You could be incredibly good at your game, but just be having a series of off days. It’s those moments that you have to stand firm, push even harder and just keep going until the blocks start to shift.

When it gets touch, stay, don’t run away.

When A Squirrel Teaches You Compassion

Today a squirrel helped teach me about compassion.

Driving near home this morning, my friend Heena and I witnessed a squirrel running into the road, and being crushed under the wheel of the car in the opposite lane.  It lay there on the road, motionless.

I was shocked, and didn’t know what to do.  Heena’s deep well of compassion led her to turn the car round, drive up and stop at the middle of the road where the squirrel lay with blood on the ground, put her hazard lights on, and she stepped out of the car.

She then got a couple of carrier bags from out of the boot, walked over to the squirrel who was most certainly dead from the blow it would have received, and picked it up with the carrier bag.  We certainly couldn’t have left it to continue getting crushed in the road.

I took the bag off her to find a place to dispose of this squirrel’s body, then got into the car and we went on our way.

You should have seen this poor squirrel, it’s body still warm, wrapped up in the carrier bag in my right hand, blood seeping out of it’s head.  This is one squirrel who won’t make it home tonight.  This is one squirrel who may have been out collecting food for it’s dependants.  This is the last Easter that the squirrel would have spent with it’s family.

My biggest lesson learnt was from Heena, and her solid determination to do the right thing at the right time.  It would have been easy to drive off and let someone else handle it (as if anyone really would have), or let the squirrel continue to be crushed in the road.  But no, she decided to stop, and it appeared to me that if she witnessed it, then she’s responsible for it.  She did what was most important in that moment.

So do you believe that?  Do you believe that if you witness something, that suddenly it’s your responsibility?  Do you believe that you are creating the world that’s around you, and that if you see a problem, you must accept ownership of it?  What are the problems and difficulties you’re witnessing in the world around you, and truly ask yourself – how many of those are you creating?  Or is it just easier to put the blame on someone else, and let them fix it?  Is it just easier to have let that other careless driver take responsibility and come back and move the carcass from the middle of the road?

Crisis Over Christmas 2003 – Serving London’s Homeless

As Christmas approaches us this year, I look forward to attending Crisis Over Christmas – an opportunity to serve London’s homeless this festive period. Here is an account written at the tail end of 2003 of my first and only experience of serving at a Crisis homeless shelter on 26th December 2003, alongside the Young Jains team…

Creative Commons License photo credit: Clive Power

Wide-awake at 3am, I knew it was to be a deeply heart-warming day. One thing I can say about a morning shift with a 7:45am start on Boxing Day is that it’s an easy drive down the A5 – never seen Edgware Road so traffic-free!

On arrival at the warehouse in South East London, we headed to the registration desk, were given our name badges and directed over to the volunteers’ area. An entertaining briefing session was concluded with the volunteers dispersing into groups. A shout for 8 people to help out in the kitchen led me to my calling for the morning.

What did kitchen duty consist of for me? Topping, tailing and shredding parsnips for soup, peeling and chopping onions, washing and shredding lettuce, and waste disposal. If you’re reading this and you know my mum, don’t blab it – you KNOW I’ll be expected to do more in the kitchen at home. What was great about kitchen duty for me? We got trained by an ex-professional chef, were offered hot or cold drinks throughout, and had awesome conversations with some students, a physiotherapist from Edinburgh, and a London based paediatrician. As for chopping onions, it must be the first time I’ve cried so much in years – and about time too!

Around midday, I decided to explore other areas of the shelter. As I talked with several of the guests, I found that many of them really did want someone to share their thoughts with. There’s this one guy, we’ll call him Mr L, 6’6″, waiting for his turn in the clothes ticket queue, who had trouble finding shoes that would fit him. Empathising is when you put yourself in someone else’s shoes, and I knew right then how he must have been feeling. I myself have size 15 feet! In the few days that Mr L was at the shelter, he told me he’d transformed his appearance, and donned a groovy haircut. Crisis goes well beyond a simple meal – guests get advice, haircuts, spiritual healing, computer skills, art skills, an abundance of cakes, and much more.

Back in the volunteers’ area, a call came out for outdoor duty. At the front gate, my role was to filter through anyone who arrived. Guests line up to get searched for illegal possessions and guest transport vehicles drop off guests just outside the gate. Certain individuals are banned from Crisis for reasons of bad behaviour or drug dealing, and must not be allowed in. Some of the guests that filter through have an amazingly polite attitude about them, and you know their hearts are being touched when they receive food, shelter and love, without necessarily having to reciprocate.

Whilst on Front Gate Duty, a gentleman who we’ll name Mr G approached me. He’s a Big Issue vendor and was volunteering at Crisis. Mr G greeted me with such warmth, and was surprised to see a young Asian working with the homeless. In his years of selling Big Issue on the streets of London, not a single Asian person had bought a copy from him. When talking with others about this, I found that a common perception is that Asians are tight-fisted – plain and simple. To find out more about Big Issue, I checked out and learned that the Big Issue, a news and current affairs magazine, provides opportunities for people facing homelessness to help themselves. Some members of the public choose not to buy this magazine from vendors such as Mr G because they are concerned about how vendors spend their money. The Big Issue believes that all people must take responsibility for themselves, and homeless people have as much right to spend their earnings as they wish as anyone else.

As I was warming up with a hot coffee, a call was made for an internal job of sorting jackets. As we were placing the jackets into the various boxes, we realised just how quickly these jackets will disappear. Much of the clothing was of high quality, and gratefully received by the guests.

In between tasks, the idea was to head into the volunteers’ area, where there were opportunities to mingle with other volunteers, have some food and hot drinks, and wait for a request for the massive variety of jobs that were available to take on such as refereeing a football match. A request came for cigarette rollers – experienced or ready to learn. I was in the latter category and my first ever rolling attempt was impressive, if I may say so myself. The rolling team was challenged to fill up 4 cups worth of rolled cigarettes so that a large number of cigarettes could be distributed out to the guests in each of the 4 main zones. Although I had started rolling quite well, the quality of my cigarettes appeared to decrease fast. Others on the Young Jains team who had never done it before seemed to be naturals!

In the final hour of the shift, some volunteers were needed to clean the guest areas, including sweeping the carpeted floors. Guests sleep on the bare floor with just a blanket covering them, and it’s essential the floors are kept clean. It’s also nice to leave the areas in a better state than they were found for the next shift to take it to a greater level.

Wrapping up now… Following the Young Jains team photo shoot, a Crisis green badge (one of the volunteers who ran the shelter) thanked all “The Jains” for supporting Crisis this year and every year. Those who had no other commitments for the evening then made their way over to Yogi Jis for the traditional YJ post-event social.

Crisis is a national charity that fights homelessness and empowers people to fulfil their potential and transform their lives.

During Christmas, Crisis provides Centres across London for homeless people, offering hot meals and a wide range of essential services.

Dates: 23rd – 30th December 2007
Times: daytime slot, evening slot, night slot
Location: London – specific location will be disclosed by Crisis nearer the time
Advanced Registration:
Group on Facebook:

Event details from the Crisis website…

If you are homeless or living in hostel accommodation, Christmas can be a lonely and depressing time. For the past 35 years, Crisis Open Christmas has helped to alleviate that loneliness, providing Christmas Centres across London from 23 – 30 December that not only offer vital companionship, hot meals and warmth, but a wide range of essential services that homeless people do not normally have access to.

In 2006 over 6500 volunteers gave up their time over the Christmas week to support our work. If you are interested in volunteering at the next COC you can do so in five ways.

General volunteer: This role gives you an opportunity to take part in a variety of tasks which ensure the safe and effective running of the Centre. Tasks such as welcoming guests and serving food, to washing hair and sorting bedding. We need about 85 per cent of volunteers to carry out this role.

Support volunteer: Join the team that makes the COC happen! From logistics and operational roles to driving vehicles, coordinating food deliveries to being a translator, we need key people to help deliver the event.

Services volunteer: Use your specialist skills to help deliver the variety of services we provide our guests – medical professionals, advice practitioners, hairdressers, massage therapists, chefs and many more

Learning & Skills: Help us inspire and entertain our guests. Learning and skills volunteers have a unique opportunity to engage with our guests on a very personal level. Learning and skills covers a wide range of activities.

Set up volunteers: Help get the Centres ready for our guests before the 23 Dec, and put them back to normal after the 30 Dec.

Young Jains Residential Retreat

Date: Friday 18th to Sunday 20th May 2007
Times: Depart at 12 noon from NW London, Return by 9pm to NW London
Location: The Abbey, Oxfordshire
Register: By contacting Malini at or call 020 8907 7972 / 07816 627817

Early this summer, spend a dynamic weekend in the Oxfordshire countryside, as you encounter the warm, open-minded atmosphere of the Young Jains Residential Retreat.

Spanning across two and a half days of mind, body, and spiritual nourishment, this is your opportunity to immerse yourself in sessions that explore the foundations and lifestyle application of Jain Dharma, amongst a group of twenty curious and creative individuals just like you.

Take some time out to make new friends, build on existing friendships, and have fun within a playful setting where we will cook together, play games, and walk in nature.

Subsidised by Young Jains, your contribution is just £45 for Young Jains Student Members, £60 for Young Jains Members, and £75 for Non-members. With 12 people already signed up, be sure to contact Malini now to register for one of the 8 remaining places.

Get in touch with Malini at or call 020 8907 7972 / 07816 627817 to request a registration form, or to have any questions about the retreat answered.

For more information, visit