Category: Humour

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When It Gets Tough, Stay, Don’t Run Away

Spent the day in the city with my father today. Rounded off the day with a trip to the London Comedy Club in Leicester Square.

The first two acts were superb. The last one was a bit of a drag.

However, what inspired me about the final act was his staying power. Even though he knew that he was really bombing it, he made a choice not to run away, and see through his time slot all the way to the end.

We could all do with learning from that. You could be incredibly good at your game, but just be having a series of off days. It’s those moments that you have to stand firm, push even harder and just keep going until the blocks start to shift.

When it gets touch, stay, don’t run away.

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Don’t Mess With Old Ladies

An old lady gets pulled over for speeding…
Woman: Is there a problem, Officer?

Officer: Ma’am, you were speeding.

Woman: Oh, I see.
Officer: Can I see your license please?

Woman: I’d give it to you but I don’t have one.

Officer: Don’t have one?
Woman: Lost it, 4 years ago for drunk driving.

Officer: I see…Can I see your vehicle registration papers please.
Woman: I can’t do that.
Officer: Why not?
Woman: I stole this car.
Officer: Stole it?
Woman: Yes, and I killed and hacked up the owner.

Officer: You what?
Woman: His body parts are in plastic bags in the trunk if you want to see.

The Officer looks at the woman and slowly backs away to his car and calls for back up. Within minutes 5 police cars circle the car.
A senior officer slowly approaches the car, clasping his half drawn gun.
Officer 2: Ma’am, could you step out of your vehicle please!
The woman steps out of her vehicle.
Woman: Is there a problem sir?

Officer 2: One of my officers told me that you have stolen this car and murdered the owner.

Woman: Murdered the owner?
Officer 2: Yes, could you please open the trunk of your car, please.

The woman opens the trunk, revealing nothing but an empty trunk.
Officer 2: Is this your car, ma’am?

Woman: Yes, here are the registration papers.

The officer is quite stunned.

Officer 2: One of my officers claims that you do not have a driving licence.
The woman digs into her handbag and pulls out a clutch purse and hands it to the officer.

The officer examines the license. He looks quite puzzled.
Officer 2: Thank you ma’am, one of my officers told me you didn’t have a license, that you stole this car, and that you murdered and hacked up the owner.
Woman: Bet the liar told you I was speeding, too.

Point of the story…Don’t Mess With Old Ladies
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Many thanks to Jilna Haria for sending this through!

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Wake Up It’s A Beautiful Morning

Flicking through a collection of pics and videos with my dad and brother earlier today, I came across a video of my very own cousin waking us up after a heavy night out drinking in Corfu back in 2002. Check out his terrific rendition of “Wake up, it’s a beautiful morning!”

Who needs an alarm clock when you have this wiked pop idol knocking your hangover into next week!?

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The Buddhist and the Burrito Maker

A Buddhist monk walks up to a burrito stand and asks…

“Make me one with everything”

The vendor says, “That’ll be £2.50 please”.

The Buddhist hands him a ten pound note, and asks for his change, to which the vendor replies:

“My dear sir, change must come from within!”

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There’s something about a burrito that gives it a buzz – check out www.buzzburrito.com/masterclass to find out what the big deal is about the burrito this weekend.