I’ve had an AMAZING day. Everything’s flowed really well. Preparing for this weekend’s super-event is coming along really well, and everyone’s playing the game. I took a nice long drive in the evening, and felt really good.
Then mum and dad throw it at me. I seem to be “too busy”. It appears that I don’t have any time. That I’m just chasing after money, and everyone knows that money doesn’t buy you love! But I’m not chasing after money, I’m working towards freedom. Financial freedom. Freedom from the restraints of money and what money represents. Freedom from the restraints of love and what love represents. Freedom from the forces that seem to overpower us, that make us feel that life is really as heavy as it appears.
But what about those lighter moments? They feel so beautiful. They truly are magical – when you know that you are creating the life of your dreams. My values are just different – is that such a bad thing?
So mum’s dying – she’s gonna be gone soon. They say make the most of it, make the most of your time with her. Spend time with her so that you have no regrets. Yet, I don’t even know if I do want to spend time with her. Being around her I feel so useless. So worthless.
Dad says she just wants my love. Even if she doesn’t make any sense, that I should spend time with her. Does she want to be in that condition? How would I feel if I was in her shoes? Would she be taking care of me? I don’t even want to go there – it just hurts too much…
… and yet, I do want to go there. I want to feel that pain, I want to feel through that pain, I want to get beyond that dark spot to the place where the light shines to beautifully bright.
It gets better than this… right?
3 Replies to ““She just wants your love””
It is very brave of you to confront your inner thoughts and feelings with the virtual world. In fact if you permit my observation I see you are putting your raw emotions out there looking for healing and appeasement within yourself and conciliation with the fact that life is ephemeral and the eminent loss of your Mum.
I totally agree with your take on financial freedom and particularly with your statements: “Freedom from the restraints of money and what money represents. Freedom from the restraints of love and what love represents. Freedom from the forces that seem to overpower us, that makes us feel that life is really as heavy as it appears”.
It is OK to be in your plane of light. Perhaps you are in a plane of understanding where you know that the only constant in life is change and that ultimately all is finite within the material world, including the life of loved ones.
For the short while I have known you there is no doubt in my mind that your love for your Mum is boundless. Perhaps you do not have to feel the pain or go through the pain to justify to yourself that you care for your Mum. All what you have to do is love and feel love for her and show that you love her by simply embracing her and show that you care. Perhaps write her a letter from the heart and give it to her. You will be able to express all your feelings and make yourself understood if the words are failing you, when you talk to her.
Hope you don’t mind the liberty to comment in what was a very personal comment on your part.
All the best
PS I will be more than happy to help you on your route to financial freedom. I have good news for you.
Me again. It is 4.53 am. For some reason cannot sleep. I picked up the New Testament and the Psalms and got reading when I came up to 2 Corinthians 11/ when I read something that made me think of my last post to you and I decided to post again. It had to do with the letter that I suggested that you write to your Mum. It reads (9) “I do not want to seem to be trying to frighten you with my letters.” (10) For some say, “His letters are weighty and forceful, but in person he is unimpressive and his speaking amounts to nothing””. (11) Such people should realise that what we are in our letters when we are absent, we will be in our actions when we are present.”
I will always be here to talk!
An amazing article!
Se eyou soon
Much love shilun bhai