My brother is a considerate guy – he doesn’t send me too many forwards. Today was an exception to the rule, and he sent me something that stopped me in my tracks. See the story below…
In reply to his email, I commented “Please don’t throw a brick at me – I realise I’m moving too fast – what do you need to tell me?”
It turned out his response focused on mum, so I now ask myself: am I just ignoring her condition and getting on with my life, building up my career, developing my lifestyle, and focusing on what feels ALIVE in my life?
Mum’s not going to be around much longer – should I be spending more time with and around her? You know, it’s just not that high on my values list. I deeply respect the great care with which she’s brought me up over the years, and the love and trust she has given me to get on my own two feet.
At the same time, I just don’t feel compelled to be around her anymore. I want to get on with my life, not get caught up in taking care of her – it gives me ZERO pleasure to be feeding her or taking care of her basic needs. I’d rather be with friends, and colleagues and clients, collaborating on projects and building on common visions. Being at home to take care of mum is just not that high on my set of values. I value freedom, variety, and creativity way more than I value nursing, caring, and devotion to a single person.
Yes, I see that mum’s health is deteriorating, that she’s dying, and that she won’t be here much longer. And you know what, I’m cool with that. I’ve made the most of my time with mum over the years – I just don’t feel compelled to spend that much more time with her.
So here’s the story, check it out, more from me later…
A young and successful executive was travelling down a neighbourhood street, going a bit too fast in a new Jaguar. While watching for kids darting out from between parked cars, there was movement on the sidewalk that made the exec slow down.
As the car passed, no children appeared. Instead, a brick smashed into the Jag’s side door! The exec slammed on the brakes and drove the Jag back to the spot where the brick had been thrown.
The angry driver then jumped out of the car, grabbed the nearest kid and pushed the child against a parked car shouting, “What was that all about and who are you? Just what the heck are you doing? That’s a new car and that brick you threw is going to cost a lot of money. Why did you do it?”
The youth was apologetic. “Please…please, I’m sorry…I didn’t know what else to do “I threw the brick because no one else would stop…” With tears, the youth pointed to a spot just around a parked car. “It’s my brother, he rolled off the curb and fell out of his wheelchair and I can’t lift him up.”
Now sobbing, the child asked the stunned executive, “Would you please help me get him back into his wheelchair? He’s hurt and he’s too heavy for me.”
The driver was moved beyond words and hurriedly lifted the handicapped boy back into the wheelchair, then took out a fancy kerchief and dabbed at the scrapes and cuts. A quick look over the minor injuries relieved the exec.
“Thank you,” the grateful child told the stranger.
Too shook up for words, the young executive simply watched the child push his wheelchair-bound brother down the sidewalk toward their home. It was a long, slow walk back to the Jaguar. The damage was very noticeable, but the driver never bothered to repair the dented side door. The dent was there to remind the exec of this message:
Don’t go through life so fast that someone has to throw a brick at you to get your attention!
The universe whispers messages to our souls and speaks to our hearts. Sometimes when we don’t have time…a brick is thrown to ensure we listen.
We all have the choice to listen to the whisper…or wait for the brick!
So what are the whispers? Am I really listening clearly to the whispers, or do I have to wait for the brick before I get the message?
The whispers are this:
– mum’s in bed all the time
– mum can hardly move
– mum can hardly speak
– mum can barely eat – anything she consumes, she usually throws back up
– mum finds it hard to show emotion, even to smile
– there’s no energy, no real connection between mum and I anymore
– any interaction I have with mum feels like my time is being stolen
– it feels like a chore being around mum, it’s draining, it’s disempowering
– I feel helpless when I’m around mum, I feel useless
I’m tired of compromising on the use of my time, and energy, and skills and talents. I’m tired of any kind of compromise. Life is meant to be effortless. I’m tired of feeling this way. I’m so tired, that I’m going to sleep… goodnight.