“She just wants your love”

I’ve had an AMAZING day. Everything’s flowed really well. Preparing for this weekend’s super-event is coming along really well, and everyone’s playing the game. I took a nice long drive in the evening, and felt really good.

Then mum and dad throw it at me. I seem to be “too busy”. It appears that I don’t have any time. That I’m just chasing after money, and everyone knows that money doesn’t buy you love! But I’m not chasing after money, I’m working towards freedom. Financial freedom. Freedom from the restraints of money and what money represents. Freedom from the restraints of love and what love represents. Freedom from the forces that seem to overpower us, that make us feel that life is really as heavy as it appears.

But what about those lighter moments? They feel so beautiful. They truly are magical – when you know that you are creating the life of your dreams. My values are just different – is that such a bad thing?

So mum’s dying – she’s gonna be gone soon. They say make the most of it, make the most of your time with her. Spend time with her so that you have no regrets. Yet, I don’t even know if I do want to spend time with her. Being around her I feel so useless. So worthless.

Dad says she just wants my love. Even if she doesn’t make any sense, that I should spend time with her. Does she want to be in that condition? How would I feel if I was in her shoes? Would she be taking care of me? I don’t even want to go there – it just hurts too much…

… and yet, I do want to go there. I want to feel that pain, I want to feel through that pain, I want to get beyond that dark spot to the place where the light shines to beautifully bright.

It gets better than this… right?